My own Pilgrimage

This has been an interesting past few weeks. No, not interesting, terrifying. I managed to go from utter happiness to a complete sense of loss in a manner of 2 short days. It was a hell of a journey, but $200 later in bar tabs I think I’ve washed it all from the system. See this whole time I thought I was missing something from my life, and truth be told, I was. I had this picture, in my head, of the perfect house/girl/job/insert-anything-here, and because I am no where near achieving any of these things I thought I was a fail. Not quite a failure, no, we save that thought for our deathbeds, but at the very least a noobish fail. I thought it all was driven by the L word. In my undergrad I studied it’s themes for a whole semester, tried to visualize it, give it a form. But recent events made me realize that you can’t do that. In the end it’s really about trust. I’ve never trusted myself, therefore, how can I trust others, which in turn, generates a shit-ton of pessimism, ergo darkening the path. The only person I ever trusted, I failed. I let that eat at me these past few months, and it finally bit me in the ass. Someday, I will get that future, like..with Jetpacks. I’m not completely sure when or where to go from here, but I know that in the end I’ll finally have done something for me, and perhaps, someday I’ll be good enough for LA.

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