At the end of the first half

Al Micheal’s voice rips through my head, “with the score NY 48, Giacomo 12.” At which point certainly some witty quip stating the obvious would fly in from the color commentary such as, “He’s really going to have to score some points to pull this one out.” Indeed. Time to score some  points. The brain is officially fried. Meditation on the beach made me recant the last 10 months, and to be honest, the Giacomo Years haven’t measured up well. So what was all this about? On July 26th, 2009, at 12:03 am I applied to grad school because I needed a direction in life. I was unhappy, wanted some room to think. And I figured, oh that room should ring me for about $60k. Seems like a fair trade. SO here we are. Degree in hand. So why is it, I can only think of all the mistakes I’ve made? Why is it, I can only think of the bad? Is it all my training try to figure out the Grand Fix? No. It’s not. It’s just me. Being an Idiot. For all the smarts I’ve been searching for I never really “learned” much of anything. Still making the same stupid mistakes, still letting the same emotions destroy me.

But I’ve had a hell of a support group through this all, made a handful of brilliant friends that I will never forget. Preddy, Jake, Mike, Matty, George. Always there forcing me forward. For that I thank you. To the girl that I upset, who gave me some pretty brilliant advice, “You have to know who you are; you have to know how to stand on your own. ‘People always Leave.” not to be undone by, “you’re hurting bc of some stupid bitch who doesn’t know better. Someone who will regret hurting you one day.” Doubtful but fun to think of. To the girl that I finally came clean too. I am truly sorry. You deserve so much more. I hope that you can find happiness now. As for me. Not sure. Part of me wants to just pack it all in and live on a beach, but that nagging higher purpose thing keeps floating around. Either way, the luster on Philly is starting to wilt. So, in the next months or so we will see where this little roulette wheel lands. Boston, San Fransico, Boulder.

Oddly, I had to look at my original intent for moving here to inspire me. Back when everyone was picking schools in high school, people made choices based on what the college had to offer. Me? I looked at the city it was in. A city with so much potential! A city that still does. Unfortunately, after 17 years, it’s a city full of painful memories, and broken promises. So, yes, I am looking to move on. Throw it all in the car and go. We shall see how the next few weeks play out, as I attempt to change my life. Hey, if I can get the Habit Reversal Training to work on my own, surely I can find a paycheck. Head up, and walking forward.

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