Counting Down

Never in my life have I been so challenged as these past couple months. There are countless reasons, true, but my very thesis should have made everything fun. Instead, it is (was..please God let me get to was) probably the most mind-cracking, wtf am I doing with my life, I’m going to explode right now experience. To analyze all these wonderful feelings I looked back to some of the books I had read about play, and play theory. I still..to this day go back to the one quote that stuck out at me even before I opened a page of any of that pulp. “The opposite of play is not work, it’s depression.” Ever curious I wonder if my, totally magnificent brain decided to prove this on a subconscious level. If it did I swear to everything holy that I’m going to rip it out through my ear canals and pound the living grey matter out of it. Studying the serious state of play, should be work, yes, and it is. The deeper you seem to go, however, and the more you seem to push yourself, the darker the path. The treatment by those around, particularly “partners” makes you hyper-sensitive. I’ve never, wait, not true, once before, I have wanted to be so far away from a person that you are pretty sure they moved to another planet completely. That every essence of their being has left this plane never to effect you again. Then, 4 or 5 years form now you can stumble onto their Facebook page wherein you feel a sharp pain in your lower spine. The feeling passes and you click forward to the next profile. I want to be there right now. I want to be, 4 years away. A. To see if all of this, wonderfulness of educational spirit pays off. B. To heal. C. To forget. D. To breathe again, normally, and with predetermined sleeping patterns. E. To smile. F. To live. G. To love. H. Peace. So when someone asks me, at the next interview, “So, what’d you learn?” I am going to lean in, real close like, and say, “Mister, I learned that people just want to live their lives. Some don’t play well with others, and really I don’t want to know those people.”

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